I know this letter is very unprecedented; it might shock you, amuse you and even manage to get you thinking. In the end, however, you are most likely to presume, like all the other people I have ever communicated with, that this letter is a hoax. Let me certify, with gripe, that it’s authenticity is without repudiation and my motives for writing are strictly professional.
I see you have been trying to save that tray full of exquisite German chocolates for tomorrow. I do not understand…I see in your eyes the most beautiful craving to hog them up all at once, but despite your soul’s crunching cries you have held your ground. You are resisting, keeping good things for ‘later’.
I do not have the faintest idea why someone in their sane mind would ever take such a measure.
Do you not know of my masterful machinations? Do you not know how the world works? The only moment you have control over is this exact instant; the very moment you start transcending into the next, I take over. You are a powerless blurry spot on my chessboard.
Eat those chocolates, and stop the defiance.