I wrote a lifetime of letters to you
in days of sickness and in health
When the soup wasn’t salty enough,
and when little Rob was blue, red and other colours
I invited you to my sister’s wedding
bought flowers, and sent grieving notes on your mother’s death
Wrote my food-in-a-jar recipes
on old postcards,
and stacked them by the fridge
Papermessages like papyrus breaths
lay piled atop each other, smudged somewhere
The address on the postcards
had a missing house number,
and a postcode few numbers less.
I hope you turn this postcard over after it has sat on the lip of your door for a few days. Give this a chance. If you are here, and before you go, I must say I love and miss you more than I can bear. I keep imagining what you must look like now. I have a photo of you as a baby that I wear in my locket, and I look at it often, picturing those big round brown eyes on an older face, with a lady’s nose. I know you must smile beautifully. Are you tall? I think so.
I don’t want to take much time, you must have so much keeping you occupied. I just wanted to send you an old recipe I have kept safe. My mother made blinis for us every Saturday morning, and we ate them very happily in the sun. They are a big favourite among children, your kids would like them. It goes very well with cream, or salmon, if you like fish. I think you do.
That was all really. Maybe you could call someday. Or visit. They allow us to meet visitors every Wednesday between four and five in the evening. Don’t worry, I will not ask you to write back. But know that you I remember you everyday. If you ever do make blinis, I hope you find pieces of my love in them.